Today really wasn't a good day for me. I woke up with the intentions that I would go to the gym and afterwards I would start this wonderful day. Despite the heat here in New York City. The good part of my day both began and ended at the gym. The picture above is me last night working on some new singing videos. At the same time I have been preparing myself to make a video to submit for a talent show. Everyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about singing. Therefore I will do what ever it takes and work for how long it takes to make my dreams come true. However my day just turned to one of those "it's the end of the world" days. Last night I posted a video of me singing and I got absolutely no likes, comments or views. I posted the video again this morning because when I originally posted it, it was going on 3AM. Yet again I get no likes, comments or views. As an aspiring singer that shit really hurts because thats basically the publics way of saying you suck and that their not interested. Without the publics input no one will make it. Therefore I failed yet again when it came to making singing videos. What really bothers me is music is something that I really love and really want to do. I cannot picture myself doing anything in life, but yet I have yet to be successful. One of my biggest fears is failing in life and so far I'm headed down that road. I'm in a performing arts school with so many talented people. So when you see them do their thing, and see them recieve nothing but love and support. It's only right that I try my best and hope to get the same thing in return. I'm not recieveing anything from anyone, and thats what constantly hurts me and makes me feel as though I will never have my dreams come true. Not to mention I'm being told that I'm not writing properly to certain tracks. So not only can I not sing, but I can't write at all. So in the end I'm all fucked up in the game. I tend to lash out and have these many anger splurges. I spent my day crying and being upset at myself. I quit singing for like the fourth time this year. While I was in my room sitting alone I realized by me quiting once again then I'm just provivng that I'm not cut out for this. That's not what I want to prove. I might as well lay off the videos for awhile because all I've been doing is making a fool of myself. I just gotta keep practicing and I pray to God that one day I'm good enough. I'm used to not having anyone support me anyways. I mean people don't even support this blog. I already waisted enough time today, so I guess I'm gonna get to practicing.
-Jade♥
-P.S. Today I found out that I lost my summer internship, I basically recieved a email saying deuces that they no longer need me and they wanted someone with more experience. Now I'll never get working experience, meaning I'll never get a job ''(
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